So I know nobody reads this and nobody really cares, but I have some things to say. Halloween, I guess you could say that N and I had our first semi-bad fight. Drunk people do NOT make good decisions and obviously that applies to me. I got separated from N so I may have asked my friends to come help me find him again, however this turned into us holding hands and that did not sit well with him. I know you’re probably thinking slut or something, but nothing happened at all, I just wanted to be with him and being alone at a college party is not a good situation.
What I really want is to be dating N, like really dating not this exclusive relationship we have right now. Sure it is nice to know that we are exclusive, but I want more. I would also like to think that he wants more but I’m not sure. He is great and puts up with me and somehow he still likes me, if that isn’t perfect, I don’t know what is. I’m meeting his family next week, but I am so nervous I am just praying I don’t mess it up. First impressions are hard and I can’t imagine if I messed it up, we would never be anything ever again.
College is hard, not the work, the decisions. I just want to make the right ones but I know that I am probably not. I drink to much, party too much, and study too little. I don’t know how to accept that N is graduating in the spring and I will still be here in college. it isn’t the age that bothers me, it is that he could be across the nation in Washington without me. I’ll be left in Florida, literally the opposite end of the continental united states. how do I deal with that?
I’m sure nobody is reading but if someone is, thank you and I appreciate that you probably care about me more than 80% of the people in my life
-XOXO
Someone to Lean On 